Merry Christmas, 2013

Hope this provides a few more laughs today.

‘Twas the eve before Christmas and a glitchy website
Kept Obamacare phones open all through the night.
Last minute shoppers with many a question
Were giving us workers severe indigestion.

Line one held Miley, whose plan had to work
For her concert-based aches, from a jerk to a twerk.
Holding was Edward, who hoped that we knew
If his coverage extended to Russia? Peru?

And from Cuba, Diana did give us a ring.
“Would bronze, silver, or gold cover jellyfish sting?”
But no calls did arrive from Prince William or Kate:
Little George will be covered, as with all in his State.

The requests flooded in and we kept up the pace
With just one hour left, we might finish this race…
But oh no! In the Superbowl’s fashion our power went black!
And Voice Over IP meant dial tones we did lack.

Through our windows we saw some bored teens on the lawn.
They were cutting up fiber while waiting for dawn.
“You fools!” we all cried, “People need this insurance!”
The gang of kids snickered, our rage no deterrence.

When up on the roof there arose such a clatter;
It happened so quickly the teens couldn’t scatter.
We stood back in awe as a figure descended.
It took but a moment; then all comprehended.

“It’s the Pope!” a gal cried, out of fear that he’d trounce her.
The teens, they all cowered from this former bouncer.
“No need to fret, I’m not that kind of Pope.
Bring neither brimstone nor fire, I preach passion and hope.

“I get it, you’re young; you think you’re the ‘invincibles’.
And there’ll be time yet to compose your own principles.
But tonight brings the chance to save thousands of lives.
And improving the world means much more than a rhyme.

“If you undo your deeds and restore building power.
Those in need will get care; though 11th the hour.
And since you’re all here, maybe buy some yourself.
The mandate applies to ev’ry Prez, kid and elf.”

And with the teens help, our last calls were complete.
We thanked the Pope kindly as he washed our feet.
Yet his smile flickered; I asked him “What gives?”
–“Remind me your policy on contraceptives?”

No Popemobile, reindeer, no not even a sleigh,
Just a beat up Renault took Pope Francis away.
And I heard him exclaim as he drove out of here,
“Merry Healthcare to most, but to all a great year!”

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